The Feelings of Severus Snape
by Dalikins
Summary: Severus Snape reflects on his life, his childhood, his career, his accomplishments, his failures, and his alligence to the Order and the Death Eaters. Written pre HBP! Oneshot, Complete, Finished!


Dalikins here! This is a short story I wrote a while ago about Severus Snape and I thought someone might enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, all of the characters in the following story belong to J. K. Rowling, and are more then likely copy righted by Warner Brothers or whatever it is they do to them. I make no profit off of this story. It is my take on Severus Snape and by no means do I have proof of what is said in this story. I mean no offence to anyone reading this story in any way.

With that being said enjoy!

The Feelings of Severus Snape

Why was it always so hard. Why did people always have to make fun of him. Even those people that were his so called 'friends' made fun of him when he was growing up. So what his hair was greasy. That was from his time spent brewing advanced potions which, unlike those who played quidditich, would bring him a little hint of glory in the real world.

Stupid Potter and his stupid friends, they hadn't helped the problem. They had tortured him every day that he spent at Hogwarts for schooling. Calling him names, putting dung bombs in his potions, and other things that brought many unpleasant memories back to the surface. Why was it always he who they had always decided to pick on. There had to be something besides making his life a living hell for them to do. Or was it that they just did not have the mental capacity for anything that took the slightest amount of brain power.

He never knew what it was like to be cared for. His mother had died when he was very young, and his father was an abusive man who seemed to blame the only thing he had left in the world for his wife's death, their son. All he ever wanted was to feel loved, all he ever wanted was to tell his father how he felt, and let it be known that he too missed his mother deeply. After the years of abuse he began to believe that it was actually his fault his mother died.

Everything was his fault. Not only his mother's death, but many things. It was his fault that his father was thrown into a world of alcohol causing both of them so much pain. It was his fault that he would had never known any real friendship, because he never allowed people to get close to him, or know the truth. Everything was his fault. Even if it was indirectly. James Potter had to save his life because he had to listen to that idiotic Sirius Black and push the bloody knot hole on the stinking womping willow and come face to face with the maniac werewolf that was Remus Lupin.

And now because James Potter had to go and save him from his death he had a life debt with Potter. Who is now dead. Imagine that the one person that he had to have the debt with is dead. But not before he had that child of his. Harry Potter. Oh it just had to be that child, the one his former master would have to kill or be killed by. Not that it mattered now because all he is, is a spy for the order, giving them tips on what Voldemort is going to do next. But in the end he will have to look out for Potter's son so that he can repay that darn life debt. If Voldemort ever found out it would be the end of him. End of his miserable days.

The prospect of suicide had crossed his mind before, it was always his last resort. But as a rule he felt that suicide was a cowards way out. He would not do such a thing without a very strong reason. He would rather die for Harry Potter then commit that act, and dieing for Potter's child was not something that he was willing to do unless it was absolutely necessary. And for all he knew that one act may be the difference between freeing the wizarding world or casting it into a dark age along with the muggle world.

Yet all that really mattered to him was his potions, and the chance to live a free life. Away from the torment of the children he taught tirelessly every school day, away from the needs of the order, and away from the people he was forced to be nice to. All of it was rubbish, and all that he really needed was to be left alone. If only they would all just leave him alone. Let him be, not bothering him for such trivial things as wolfsbane potions for one of the people that had not stopped the torment for seven years. Having to teach bloody Harry Potter legilimancy as to stop Voldemort from intruding into his mind, and in the process showing things to the child he never wanted people to know, or have to relive again.

Everything just had to be so hard for him. Nothing could be easy, it all had to have so aspect of danger, or be utterly pointless. That was his existence, and that was all there would really be for him. The man that had to live behind a mask, showing a callous, and demeaning front, instead of a truly caring and companionate man. The existence of Severus Snape the Potions Master.

Please review!

- Dalikins


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